3.5 Happy birthday Picketts!!

The countdown will resume shortly, but in the meantime please join us in wishing our favourite friend living the Dominican, Mr. Mark Picketts, a very happy birthday!!!

Oh, and courtesy of Mr. Enticknap...here is your Thursday reminder (lest you forget):
Thursday Reminder

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4. Roofies are banned at SOW

The #4 reason not to be fearful of Son of Wingstock is a non-negotiable SOW policy: roofies are banned at SOW. It's really quite simple. We need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (insert joke about "bushy tail" here) as we send Winger off into husband-dom. Just have a quick look at the trail of slumber left behind. No more roofie pranks!!! SOW must energize!

5. SOW will rock!!

The #5 top reason not to be frightened by Son of Wingstock is that it is guaranteed to rock! That's "rock" as in rock and roll. There will be plenty of singing talent at SOW...enough talent to scare the pants off of any bad vibes. So grab your gin and tonic, strap on your afro wig, and do the Bearcat or the Monster Mash...the song of SOW will prevent any "green slime" from running under Sleepaway Camp!

And if you're too shy to join in and belt it out, we have several feature performers lined up for SOW. Headlining the first night is European sensation Leoj Eilriaf. His popularity across the pond rivals that of David Hasselhoff or Crazy Frog. Once Leoj loosens up his vocal cords with a little Bombay...look out! He is best known for his passionate cover versions. His favourite ditties include: Hell Hole (Spinal Tap), Feel Like Making Love (Bad Company), Down by the River (Neil Young), and 7 Things (Miley Cyrus). You'll be sure to fall in love with Leoj.

Top billing on night two goes to Bearcat Sinatra. Be sure to catch him early in his set, for after midnight the Bearcat's final act (as the "Weregout") gets a little well...terrifying. Bearcat's smooth baritone will wash over you and carry your thoughts to May 1st wishes and Baconator dreams...sweeping away all your fear. You'll be bopping the night away to all the Bearcat's hits: Do the Bearcat (David Wilcox), Bad Apple (David Wilcox), My Way (Frank Sinatra), New York New York (Frank Sinatra), and Dragula (Rob Zombie).

Our third and final night is capped off by the musical brilliance of Senor Carlos! Carlos is a musical prodigy with hands that can play the high and low "C" on a piano simultaneously (with only one hand!). Carlos has played at just about every event that matters, including all his friends' weddings. Yo Quiero Senor Carlos!! Trip out to his classics: "Don't Stop Believing" (Journey), "Rocket Man" (Elton John), and "Oh Yo Yoyo" (Senor Carlos).

Rock! Freeze! Rock! Get higher baby! Don't be afraid...SOW will rock your socks off.

6. Everyone going to SOW is a Bills fan

The world is a scary place for Bills fans. Son of Wingstock could be scary for them too. But don't worry! Everyone going to SOW is a Bills fan! Yes, it's true! Check out the collage above and you'll see. It's really great to be a part of something like this - a collective fellowship of Bills fandom. What's that you say? You think there is a Dolphins fan among us!!!??? Where? Right...I see him...look at his sneer...even being close to that wonderful Bills cup that (loyal Bills fan) Joel is holding up for all to see is hurting him. Joel was actually being considerate and he kept the cup a fair distance from that Suckphins fan's face to prevent any burns from close proximity. Of course the best part is that the Winger himself is a Bills fan! If you doubt the validity of this claim, just check out his custom "Let's Go Buffalo" t-shirt and his cup!! Let's go Buffalo! Let's go Son of Wingstock!!!

7. The Champ will protect you

Reason #7 in the TTTRNTBFOSOW countdown is: the Champ will protect you. Even when faced (literally "faced") with enemies such as his arch-rival - pictured above - the Champ will not back down. From time to time he'll kneel but he won't back down. You see, the Champ hates Big Black Dick. Not for reasons that might seem obvious, but mostly because BBD knows the Champ's weakness. Booze. The Champ's not so good on the booze...he even has a different nickname for when he's had a few too many. BBD even went as far as to brew his own brand of rum to capitalize on the Champ's Achilles heel. So, like I said, don't worry at Son of Wingstock - the Champ will protect you. That is, unless there is rum...or booze of any kind really. Oh wait, right...we're screwed. Let's just cross our fingers that Big Black Dick doesn't show up. (Point of clarification: the BBD photo was not searched for on Google...it was actually taken on our visit to Grand Cayman last year...that would have been a funny Google search though).

7.5 Interlude: Picketts is on a boat!

With a break from your regularly scheduled programming, and a hilarious video submission by M-Pain (aka Picketts), here is your daily fun. Oh, and Fuss...don't crank this at work. Actually save it until you're at home altogether. The TTTRNTBFOSOW countdown will resume tomorrow.

8. Speedos are banned at SOW

Look out Matt!! ...too late. It was that guy! Behind you! The one in the banana-hammock! I know he is just looking downward innocently gazing at his chubby right pectoral...but he just whipped that football at your face. Good thing you caught it after it caromed off your cheek. Yes, this photo captures just another of the many perils that come with playing with, or near guys in Speedos. It takes an awful lot of chutzpah to walk around in one of those, particularly when you're pushing its maximum weight capacity. Guys with such nerve are dangerous. As such, we are hereby introducing the "Son of Wingstock Abolishment Stopping Speedos" otherwise known as the SOWASS policy. The SOWASS policy will protect you from Speedos while you attend Son of Wingstock. You're welcome.

Oh...thanks for asking, but no. The SOWASS policy does not cover women. Nor does it provide protection from women wearing nothing at all. Nor from emails of women wearing nothing at all. As such, the SOWASS policy is useless when your boss or the tech police come to talk to you about the recent email from the Weregout. We're working on another policy to address that type of attack.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy this cool video (100% completely family friendly):

9. Fuss to the rescue part 2: the world dominator

If you're still doubting Pidgtimus Prime's skill and his tremendous value to the Son of Wingstock (SOW) crew, take heed. Fuss has been working in Ottawa for several years now, and he has been a sponge as he walks the halls of power. He has learned the perils of getting too tight with NDP (Nathan's Daily Polishing), and he knows that Iggy and the Stooges will right our path. But most of all, Fuss has learned how to dominate. Should his skills be required at SOW this will not be the first time. He has bailed Chad out before. With a quick flick of his phone and a click of "speed-dial #1" (as for who that connects to, Fuss will not tell...methinks their name rhymes with "Boz"), Fuss can solicit infinite wisdom. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you, that is Mr. Fuss himself directing our Chadwick on the strategic "dos" and "don'ts" of world domination. If you zoom in you will see that Fuss is showing Chad - that's right - a map of Dan Marino's bedroom...but if you were to flip the page over you would find a laundry list of Fuss wisdom. So, fear not young SOWers, Fuss is ready for anything. Although even Fuss would probably find this experience to be maddening (but hilarious).

Top 10 reasons not to be frightened of Son of Wingstock

Rumours have been flying around that some of you are feeling a bit hesitant about Son of Wingstock. Making the trek to the end of SAWmill Bay Road isn't for the faint of heart (or the weak of stomach). But rest assured, there's nothing to fear but fear itself (I think someone said that once...). So, to ease your anxiety and quell your trepidations, over the next 10 days we're pleased to share:

The Top 10 Reasons Not to be Frightened of Son of Wingstock (or TTTRNTBFOSOW for short):


10. Sure weeds can be scary. They're scratchy, sometimes poisonous, and they're very unsightly. But don't worry. Fuss is on it. Even when you'll least expect it, the Meister will pull out his pocket Swiss Army Weedwacker and give the little buggers a trim. So cross weeds off your list of reasons to be scared of Son of Wingstock. They're no scarier than the Dolphins Wildcat offense.